We struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss when trying to grow our family before our first child was born. I experienced so much pain, guilt, shame, grief and fear which occupied the space for joy and excitement while expecting and adapting to life as a parent.

When our son was born, things were great for about six months and then the pandemic cut off our support systems as well as any semblance of activity outside the home. I felt isolated and uncertain which exacerbated my feelings of sadness and guilt.

I do recall lots of happy times. We were able to spend more time with our boy, together as a family during lock-downs. A singular moment I recall is that despite my experience of postpartum depression, I was so certain that we wanted more children in our family. Seeing siblings on our city street have one another during the pandemic solidified this for us and soon thereafter, our daughter entered our lives.

When I think back to that time, I wish I had known that there are many ways to show strength and resilience. I wish someone had said to me: You are a beautiful mother or parent, even in your sad and vulnerable moments.

If I could say something to someone going through something similar right now, I would say, if you can find someone to share your feelings and experience with, please share. There are so many folks who lived through painful experiences such as mine. Sharing those feelings and stories with one another was so much more empowering and healing than I could have imagined.

And now I realize I am so much stronger than I thought. My children are my greatest teachers.

—Kailee