I hesitated to take part in this project because I have actively stuffed those intensely painful emotions so deep down inside I partly felt a sense of being grateful that that “part” was over. However, there is equally a lingering sense of sadness for the new mom I sometimes catch a glimpse of in photos who felt so lost, scared, confused, and ultimately alone.

My boys are now seven and four and I finally feel like I can breathe again and begin to take stock of my mental health, or at least be grateful it is not where it was. The intensity of my emotions and scattered mind has now calmed, but I look back at the early days with a heavy heart for that new mom who felt very much over her head. She was scared, anxious, up and down—even at times hysterical.

Was it just me that felt this way after having a beautiful baby? What were these horrifying thoughts that would pop into my mind and make me have to talk myself out of thinking such terrifying things? Why couldn’t I sleep? Why was I such a mess filled with such polarizing emotions if I got what I had always wanted? Why was my mind racing when all I wanted to do was enjoy this precious time with my little bundle of joy?

It haunts me how so many of us go through these very similar experiences yet we feel so very isolated when so much is at stake. The mental health of a mother is so tender and raw and needs to be supported as much as she is supporting her baby. These two beautiful souls are so fragile but called upon to be so strong. 

I only wish someone had told me this was all within the realm of normal. I wish they had lifted the veil to give me a sense that this was not out of the ordinary to feel this range of emotions. Postpartum Anxiety was also a possibility aside from Postpartum Depression.

This is such a beautiful project to show our vulnerability to each other in the face of life’s fragility. If only this brings comfort to another mother, I am happy to dig down into the old sewing bin and be a part of this quilt for a better state of awareness for those yet to come.

—C. Jewer