Dear Reader,

I am not sure what lifestyle would allow mothers to truly declare “Motherhood is easy.”

Of the women I now talk with who have babies, many of us feel resentful of the imagery of a peaceful baby and calm, relaxing days with nothing else to do. All we had to do was take care of the baby. Easy peasy. Or so it seemed.

At first I thought my misunderstanding of the early days of motherhood were because I mostly only had men to talk to about their experience. I was led to believe I’d be bored out of my mind. I was reassured that as soon as I got access to childcare I’d be back at work just like them. I won’t get into the whole childcare access debacle. That’s another story. Thankfully I did get access to private care eventually but my accessibility to work remains an Everest I have yet to climb. And boredom, although perhaps true for some moms, was far from my experience. Instead my days were filled with overwhelm and anxiety from the collapse of what the future I had initially imagined. I was heavily sleep deprived long past what other moms seemed to suffer. I read stories of moms kickstarting a new career over maternity leave but my health on many levels did not give me the space or energy to do that. 

With chats with older moms, some of them would hint at the challenges. One even did so with resentment in her tone—I believe that resentment came from a poor marital relationship (a subject also mostly untouched and that needs more attention!). The burden of taking care of a child and helping them with their various sleep, eating, mobility “problems” even if not actually diagnosed problems can still very much concern a new mom. All of those concerns and unanswered questions add to the burden of this 24/7 caretaker:

“Are they eating well enough? 

Why have they not said anything yet? 

Why are they still crawling? 

Why can’t they just sleep! 

Why isn’t anything I am doing working?”

 It’s a huge, overwhelming learning curve. We need authenticity in sharing our struggles and less shame. Mothers need to burn those rose-colored glasses society hands us of the realities of Motherhood. Be strong, but be real.

I wish my own journey was just about how to take care of my baby. However, as I am discovering, Motherhood is anything but just taking care of a baby.

And so here I am, reborn, as they say. Slowly I am coming out of mourning my old life while piecing together the future of my new life. It is an exciting time yet painful time.

Yours Truly,

H