My partner had a heart attack, albeit minor, just as I rounded out 30 weeks. I knew I was fine and healthy but screaming into a pillow not knowing how to handle my own reactions was possibly my breaking point.

During that time, I remember the kindness of a phone call from a friend or family member just asking how I was without any filler of conversation. The listening and prodding to make sure I wasn’t holding anything in. My twin sister flew in to celebrate our birthday together and told me that I needed to make a doctor’s appointment because I didn’t and shouldn’t have to struggle.

Feeling isolated is a tricky thing! I had just moved and hadn’t created a tangible list of people I felt I could lean on. My mother came to visit and went with me to a doctor’s appointment, and that broke any notion I had of things being hard to access. I was the only one holding myself back. I simply hadn’t made the time to examine my own thinking of what support was until I had played a bit more with medication and good support to reframe my own thinking.

Now, I realize you are not alone at all in the way you feel ever. Talking to someone can be the best hug and comfort. Signing up to use maternal mental health services has zero stigma. Accessing support will always feel right. Mothers and children are the most deserving to be supported, uplifted and cared for no matter what other anguish is going on in the world around you.

We’re all connected. Self-sufficiency is a stubborn notion. You do not have to hold “it all” together nor are you the very first mother to notice a hint of struggle within yourself. Look outside of yourself and you will find the thread of hope you can grasp.

Years ago I took a birth doula course and there was an exercise where everyone involved stood in a circle and a ball of yarn was tossed around. Though we were each holding but a simple piece we ended up with a wide intertwined and very strong net. It was always stronger when held together and the very best visual for how community is interwoven. Show up, hold onto your piece and even be willing to give a little pull should you need more slack than you’re willing to give yourself!

—JS